When every priority feels equal

Have you ever been forced to choose between 2 very important priorities — where choosing between them just doesn’t feel possible? Or at the very least it feels very, very hard…

For most of us, situations like that arise at work regularly. Do I solve the operational, tactical problems of today or focus on systemic improvements that solve tomorrow’s issues of scale? Do I resolve an issue that I know is important to my People Leader or guide a member of my team who is struggling with a difficult but critical supplier relationship? Do I spend another hour working or do I switch off my laptop and spend time with my family? In all these cases it feels like we’re letting someone down. No wonder the decision feels so hard!

These choices have an extra degree of difficulty if you’re part of a team with a social imperative at its core, where the impact of achieving very stretchy goals extends far beyond profit or personal benefit.

Whether you’re an entrepreneur or the leader in a corporate team, chances are, to get where you are today, you have successfully delivered results — and that has required you to make some trade-offs along the way. Did you stay at work late to finish something and miss your netball game or dinner with your other half? Or did you leave work to make it home in time for dinner with your family, leaving your team to meet a deadline? We’ve all been there, probably more times than we can count.

Decision fatigue, resulting from having to make these trade-offs repeatedly, only adds to that stress. It can be a vicious cycle that risks both our mental and physical health.

But what can you do? These decisions feel like impossible choices…

Ask an Engineer and they might talk about tradeoffs between conflicting parameters, where improving one value worsens another. The rational or scientific approach would suggest quantifying the parameters and probable outcomes, performing a cost-benefit analysis and making a rational decision.

Ask an Emergency Department doctor and they might tell you about the impossible decisions they face every day — especially in the context of a pandemic. Whether to discharge a patient before they have fully recovered to make room for an even sicker patient or to cease intervention for a terminally ill patient. Hospitals take great care in creating a set of ethical guidelines that become the compass for considered and consistent decision making for these situations.

As Leaders how should we think about making these impossible choices?

One common response is to “rely on the company values and culture” to guide decisions. While this is not a bad idea, (see my previous article “Is your company deluded when it comes to culture?”) in this instance it may not help.

Let’s take an example of a company known for having built success on the back of strong values, Whole Foods. Whole Foods values include “we promote team member growth and happiness” and “we satisfy and delight our customers”. Both noble in intent — but what happens in a situation where you’re forced to make a choice between your customers and your team? Values don’t provide the necessary guidance on how to make this impossible choice.

Russ Harris, renowned doctor, psychotherapist and expert in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy suggests that focusing on behaviour conflict is more relevant to these impossible choices. For example, if one of your values is “caring for others”, then the decision to either work late or spend time with your family is a behaviour choice rather than a conflict of values — in both cases, you are caring for others — your family and your team.

So, what steps can you take to make these impossible choices easier?

Recognise and articulate your trade-off decision
Take the time to describe the challenge, it’s impact and your desired outcomes to the people around you (your team and/or your family). This will ensure that they understand what you’re thinking — and it will make it easier for them to help you navigate the decision.

Concede that there is no perfect solution
I’ve noticed many clients, when faced with an impossible decision, delay making any decision at all because they are waiting for the perfect solution to emerge. Spoiler alert: it’s not coming. And the sooner you can admit that, the easier it will be to move forward. Acknowledging the imperfect situation will likely free up your thinking and allow new possibilities to emerge.

(Re)Consider your assumptions
If any of the story so far is familiar to you, chances are it’s not the first time you’ve had to face into an impossible choice. As a result, you might be carrying a set of assumptions into your decision making without even being aware of it. If you’re not sure what they are, ask yourself “what are the facts of my situation?”. Write down your answers and show them to a curious friend (or your coach). Ask that friend to interrogate you about these “facts” and see what you uncover. You might find you’re your thinking is based on a set of rules that can be changed.

Acknowledge the parameters
While there are some assumptions that can be adapted, it’s also likely that you have a set of parameters that are fixed in some way. In all likelihood, they are a combination of time, people and money. The trick is, just like with your assumptions, to test which of the parameters are really fixed and which ones can be changed. It would be naïve to suggest that changing parameters is easy, but asking a question like “what would need to be true for us to change the deadline on this project?” can open up new ways of thinking about old problems.

Realise you are choosing
Whether you are actively making a decision or reacting to your situation by habit or default, you are making a choice. It’s not always easy to see the difference or to make a shift — but taking back control (by actively deciding) tends to decrease the angst associated with a seemingly impossible choice.

Define your time frame and experiment
Some choices are permanent or, at the very least, difficult to undo. Thankfully that’s not the case when making an important decision about how to spend your time. It’s relatively easy to experiment with choices over a specified time period, review the results and iterate as required. It can be a day, a week, a month or more. The right time will depend on the objectives of your experiment. The key is to remember that your decision doesn’t have to be forever.

Seek the counsel of others
You’re not alone. That can be hard to remember, but it’s true. Your People Leader, your team, your partner, your coach or mentor, your friends…they may all be able to help you navigate your choices. In the case of work-related trade-offs, usually, your People Leader wants to help remove barriers to progress — so it makes sense to ask for their help.

Make time to reflect and review
All these ideas are great in theory — but how do you know what’s working and what isn’t? Building reflective muscle is an important way to keep track of your progress. Just like you’d do a retro on a project, take the time to consider the impact of any changes you’ve made. It only takes a couple of simple questions like “what worked well?” and “what didn’t work the way I expected?” to prompt the next iteration of your decision-making process.

If you’re a People Leader, hopefully, the information I’ve presented resonates on 2 levels — for you personally and also in terms of how you lead your team. I know from my own experience, as a Leader and as a Coach, that it can be incredibly challenging to drive your team to achieve stretch goals and at the same time create the conditions that allow them to successfully integrate their personal, family and work priorities.

While there’s no clear cut “right way” to do this, here are 3 questions that I have found useful:

• What is the most meaningful thing I can do to care for my team? This is especially important as we continue to face the degree of stress and change demanded by COVID-19.

• What information am I missing (or ignoring)? I always like to make sure I’ve got an up-to-date picture of the capacity, the capability and the mood of my team to calibrate my expectations.

• What is reasonable for me to ask of my team? That doesn’t mean backing away from stretch goals — but it does encourage me to consider where stretch becomes a breaking point.