Reflecting on reflecting

Photo by Danielle MacInnes on Unsplash

In my last article, I shared a checklist that was designed to help you be at your best. The final element in the list was reflection. It’s a topic that’s hard to get away from when you’re a coach – it’s such a fundamental part of what we do. Helping others to explore and explain a situation – to go beyond a description and move into an understanding of why something is happening is the first step to being able to improve it.

You don’t need a coach to build a robust reflective practice – you can definitely build the habit on your own – it just might be harder and slower to get to the really important stuff. Especially when your habit is new. I’ve noticed that for clients I’ve worked with for a while, the (self-driven) reflective muscle builds and gets stronger over time.

Good reflection can be uncomfortable – and in many ways, we are wired to avoid discomfort. Having a reflection partner (be it a coach, a friend, a colleague) can help you face into some of those tough questions. The trick is to establish the rules so that your partner knows the boundaries around where and how hard to push with their questions – because often you can’t predict the impact of the question before you ask it.

 Well-asked questions can create an unexpected but valuable visceral reaction.

Sometimes a question feels like a shove in the back. One that almost makes you fall forward into a topic or idea you’ve been avoiding. Or maybe you didn’t even know it was there until someone asked you about it. Other times the question can feel more like a gentle nudge that helps you move a little bit further or faster in the direction you’re heading – and that small nudge generates some previously lacking momentum. Or, my personal favourite, the question from left field - the completely unexpected thought starter that catches you off guard and takes you somewhere new, exciting and different.

Did you know research shows that people who reflect are more productive and happier than those who don’t?

Reflection can help you build a greater understanding of either the…

• Reasons why something is happening,

• Impact you’re having on the situation or the people in it,

• Possible ways you could change the outcome, and/or

• Help you might need to make the most of your opportunity or solve your problem.

If you’d like to make reflection a regular habit, here are my top 5 tips for having a go…

 1.    Start Small – identify 1 or 2 questions that, no matter what the situation, will be applicable and useful in your reflection process.  Questions like “what was the best part of my day (and why)?” or “what was the biggest challenge I encountered today?”

2.    Know Yourself – understand the techniques that will work best for you. There’s no right or wrong. Some of us are talkers, others’ writers, others’ artists – it’s about finding a way to capture your thoughts in a way that creates insight for you.

3.    Commit time – start by putting time in your diary. And making it one of your non-negotiables. It doesn’t have to be every day and it doesn’t have to be hours of commitment. It’s about identifying the day, time, duration and location that works best for you.

4.    Create action – most of you reading this probably have a bias to action. The idea of spending time thinking without some tangible action at the end might even give some of you hives. If that’s your barrier, the key is to turn your reflection into something you can commit to doing differently immediately. Even the smallest change will likely create a sense of value and momentum for you.

5.    Incorporate accountability – just like with exercise, having a partner to keep us accountable can be incredibly helpful in building and maintaining our habits. Whether you partner with a coach, a colleague or a friend, share your commitment and your progress. And don’t be afraid to invite your partner to hold your feet to the fire if you start to lose momentum.

 The most important thing is to have a go and see what works for you (aka reflecting on your reflection). If there’s anything I can do to help you hone your reflection, don’t hesitate to message me anytime.