Trust isnt what we think it is…
Trust isn't what we think it is. That was my #1 takeaway from listening to the world-renowned expert, Rachel Botsman, last week. How often have you asked yourself or one of your team a question about 'building trust'? Apparently, that's the wrong question.
Trust isn't built - it's earned or given.
By changing the framing from built to given, we're forced to ask ourselves a new question:
Is this person or situation worthy of my trust?
But the question doesn't exist in a vacuum. It is context-specific.
If we're going to get real about assessing trust, then it becomes imperative to think about whether someone is worthy of being trusted to do a particular thing. To deliver an outcome, to run a project, to build a partnership, to execute a task. We're asking, "Is this person worthy of my trust to do <something>?
How are you feeling about that idea? If I'm honest, it feels a bit icky to me. I think that's because it feels unequal, a one-sided assessment.
It sits more comfortably with me when I add some extra questions to the assessment. Am I worthy of their trust? What do they need to trust me to do?
Now we have the opportunity to find ways to collaborate that make the most of the trust we give each other. By demonstrating our capability and our character, we are both worthy of that trust.
During the presentation, Botsman said something else that gave me pause.
Transparency doesnt lead to trust. It has the opposite effect. Wait, what?
To make sense of that, I needed to revisit the definition of trust used during the presentation.
Trust is a confident relationship with the unknown.
As I came to understand it, if we have a confident relationship with the unknown, we don't need transparency. We have faith that the right things will be done well by the right people, in the right way, at the right time. When we rely on transparency rather than trust, we set ourselves up to be let down. Inevitably, there will be times when we can't be as open as we would like to be. And that's when a system built on transparency fails. In other words, secrecy is not the enemy of trust. Deception is the enemy of trust.
So what does that mean for the way we lead? The good news is that you're already familiar with the implications. As leaders, it means that our #1 focus is on SETTING:
Setting a clear vision for the future
Setting clear expectations
Setting (and resetting) the context
Setting the boundaries that create space within which our teams are clear to operate
Setting the rhythms and rituals to support collaboration
Setting standards by demonstrating values through decision-making and team interactions
How would you rate your setting? If you’re interested in a self-assessment and some tips on how to evolve your setting to strengthen trust across your team, let’s talk!